For me

I’m writing this for myself. Not that I mind if anyone else reads it; you may realise something too. I’m writing this and hoping that perhaps something will come to mind…

I’ve hit a point in my life where I literally don’t leave my house except for school. And then maybe I’ll stay behind for revision. I do have friends, but really they’re just ‘school friends’. I have another friend that I’ve had since Primary School, but in reality, we’re not friends anymore. We’ve grown apart, but we’re both in denial about that. We even call each other ‘best friends’, but that really isn’t the case. And if we go off to different colleges/ sixth forms or whatever next year, we probably will never talk again.

In my room, I pretty much only watch TV, anime, movies and read books, comics and mangas. I also watch YT and play video games somewhere in there (and maybe a bit of revision, maybe). I only ever talk to my family when I want something and when dinner’s ready. That’s mainly due to the fact I’m very un-family orientated. Blood couldn’t mean less to me. My only family is my twin sister. I wish I was family orientated; I remember my mum once told me she would rather me do drugs but tell her I love her rather than be an A-A* student who’s like a robot. And the worst part? I ignored her for a year, and I didn’t even care (note. I live with my grandparents, not my mother). And I suppose it’s true. I am like a robot. I’m also quite selfish. But I’d never admit that in person.

I’m finding life boring. That’s why I escape to fictional worlds. That’s why I shut myself away. The characters I see and read about become my best friends. Don’t get me wrong, I do things like Summer Schools, NCS, Cadets; but it’s still not enough. It’s repetitive. People like to think they’re unique, but in reality I’ve probably met at least 5 people like you. And conversations are pointless. It’s either opinions, gossip, stories or deep things. And I just can’t be bothered. I suppose most of this is because I matured far quicker than too many people. I don’t find fun in throwing paper balls into the bin, or whatever. It’s just all so pointless. In the end I’ll just end up with a job, pay some bills, have a house and then die. (I didn’t add meet somebody or have kids because I don’t plan on marriage or having children).

The worst part about finding life boring is that basically nobody else does. Everybody else is out there having fun, and I’m just in here. And don’t think I’m stupid, don’t think I’m not trying, because I am. I’m just sort of invisible. The only reason I stand out is because I’m not white in a very non-diverse county. Not only that, but my family normally think something’s wrong with me. And, they like to make fun of me. The amount of times they’ve asked me if I actually have any friends is pretty irritating. And not going to lie, the only reason I haven’t killed myself is because of 3 reasons. 1. I’m a coward. 2. I couldn’t do that to my family. 3. I have hope. I hope that I’ll find my ‘calling’ in the future. Whether that be a place, a hobby or a person.

Another thing with my life is having a sister in a loving relationship. She’s either over his, or he’s over ours. He’s a nice lad, I’ll be honest. Treats her like a princess. And I’m sort of jealous. My sister used to have depression, and then he came along. I guess I sort of imagine somebody doing that for me. Coming along and helping me. But in truth, the only person who can help me, is me. The only person I can rely on, is me. And always, only me. I don’t really want a relationship. Sure, they’re cute and all. But my past relationships have… showed me that they bring out the worst in me. Honestly I get attached so fucking fast and I keep wanting to prove to myself that they actually care about me. ‘I’m in love with the idea of being in love’. I’m quite conflicted. I want somebody to be my friend, but I also want to be alone. I find myself irritated a large percentage of the time because of other people. Happiness, real happiness, in intelligent and wise people (they’re different things, and I don’t mean one or the other; I mean if a person is both) is rare. You see things others don’t.

Nobody’s going to read this, and I don’t mind. I didn’t figure anything out whilst typing it, but it feels a bit better having it out there in words.

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The annoying part in Tomb Raider…

Let me start off by saying I love Tomb Raider, Lara Croft; all of it. I’ve played games (yet to play the new one… but oh wait, it’s out on fucking PS4). It English has a sexy, brave and British protagonist, has awesome fights against Gods, Dinosaurs and Centaurs (older games), and they tend to have great story lines. And the most recent reboot of the franchise was no exception; except of course they showed us a Lara before she became the legend we’ve all come to know and love.

Anyway, now onto the annoying part. I tend to be okay with deaths in movies and books. I didn’t even cry at The Fault in Our Stars. But Alex’s death (spoiler?) in the game messed me up. For those of you who are yet to play this one, Alex is a geeky, electrical engineer, sarcastic person, who clearly doesn’t belong in the fucked up place of Yamatai. He’s also adorable, and kind. He also likes Lara (it’s highly hinted).

And then, of course, he dies whilst on a simple mission. He made it so far on the island only to have to blow himself up (to save Lara). And Lara, probably knowing he liked her, gave him a kiss on the cheek and left.

A kiss on the fucking cheek.

If you know someone likes you, and they’re fucking killing themselves so you can live, at least give them a snog right? And not only that, but he was so fucking innocent and unlucky his death was just pointless and miserable. It’s been ages since I’ve played the game, but even just remembering it fucks me up.

Stuck on what to do for a monologue?

Honestly I don’t know if I’ll post this. I was just thinking a couple of things and I’m seeing if I write them down if they make any sense.

I was thinking about anime, and I remembered a time where I had no idea what to do for my monologue for BTEC Drama (I’m year 11). It had to be from a published piece; so famous movie monologues weren’t allowed. But, I found a way to still do something I loved. Manga, comics and books still counted as published pieces. And as an otaku, that opened a lot of doors. In the end I chose one from Death Note, and another from Antigone (a play, not a manga).

Anyway, back to what this is really about. How to choose a monologue. Before I start, let me just make one thing clear; don’t use a monologue book.

I’m just going to tell you the questions I ask myself when coming up with an idea. The first is: ‘How challenging do I want it to be?’ Your answer to this should then help choose what your characters personality is, and the scenario. (Easy being a character very much like yourself in an everyday scenario, hard being your opposite in the middle of a battle in fucking Middle Earth or something). Secondly, you have to ask yourself whether you want to explore new texts, or do something that you’ve perhaps analysed before, or just genuinely know very well. Of course, choosing something you know is easier, as well as it narrowing down your choices. Thirdly, make sure you like it.  Don’t just say ‘oh, it’ll be alright’. Make sure you know you can really get into it. If not, look again. And don’t think that you like it just by reading the monologue itself; read the book or play (or synopsis) at least. Know your character. Know the feeling you want. And be honest with yourself. Do you really think that character is right for you? Sure, you may want to try something new or challenge yourself. But remember; in the world of acting, an actor just sometimes can’t do a character. And that’s not because they can’t act. It’s purely because it’s not right for them. Fourthly, keep in mind the feel of the monologue. Choosing one that’s sad or comical could make the difference. Like before; one may not be your best suit. Don’t feel like you have to do a tragedy from Shakespeare’s works; feel free to do something light. You don’t want to make your teacher depressed, especially if they’ve seen others that were similar.

The main things to keep in mind here are; difficulty, time period, scenario, feel and back ground. Also don’t be afraid to go outside the box. This could be your chance to show who you are; if you’re nerdy, find one like that if you want. If you’re a tomboy; do one you can relate to in that way. Read your monologue like you, as a person, would say it, and hear how that sounds. When I did Death Note I actually did a duologue. But it was between me and a ‘God’, that only my character could see and hear. So I used that, and made it a monologue. This gave me the chance to show how I could react to things, and I could test my ability to ‘see what isn’t there’.

You probably knew all of this. But, I hope it was a help. 🙂

Shadowhunters

You may have heard complete mixed reviews on this show. Some who have read the book despise it for its changes and the fact the actors are relatively new to the scene and still learning. Others love it for the real life thing of Malec (me included).

The thing about Shadowhunters, and all TV shows based off of books (PLL, anyone?) is that they change things. That’s what they do. If you only use the book material, it can get boring. And the readers/ watchers must remember that when you’re reading a book, nobody imagines it the same way.

Shadowhunters is based off of the mortal instruments series by Cassandra Clare. It focuses on the Shadowhunters and their fight against demons and even fellow Shadowhunters. It also includes 3 main (adorable) ships; Malec, Clace and Sizzy. There’s a reason it’s got such a big and crazy fandom. The series was given a movie (City of Bones) but it didn’t return for a sequel. Sadly we never got the chance to see the beautiful Jamie Campbell Bower in action as Jace again. However, when we found out there was going to be a TV show, everybody hyped about it. Doing anything based off of anything (comics, books, video games etc.) is always risky business. If you fail you have a lot of angry fangirls/ fanboys on your hands.

Let me start off by saying; I love the show. I don’t just love it because of Malec, however. The show did get a lot better after the first couple of episodes. Not only is it quite entertaining and different, but the cast are very respectful and careful with their characters. Sure, there have been quite some differences, but that is completely fine. It is a TV show, and not a movie. They need more material. The show is also quite funny at times, as well as serious. You already see the characters evolve, and it’s only been 12 episodes so far (luckily, we are going to get a second season!). The effects on the show could use improvement, but if you prioritise things that make a good show, that really is far down the list. And lastly, the cast is just beautiful to look at.

Even if you’ve heard hate, or watched the first few episodes and given up; I suggest you watch it. Whether you’ve read the books or not. It’s creative and adorable. But I’ll give you a hint- if, like me, you like in England and therefore watch the show after the Americans- do not go on Tumblr.

Uncharted (videogame series)

I played this series a long time ago, but as I was watching a cut scenes movie of the third game, I remembered my unhealthy love of it.

Uncharted is an action/ adventure/ puzzle game on PlayStation (and Xbox, maybe? Idk I don’t use Xbox) and it follows Nathan Drake and Victor Sullivan on their ‘tomb raiding’ adventures. So yeah, if you love a bit of Lara Croft, then you’ll definitely love Uncharted.

Uncharted has 3 (major) games currently (the fourth is going to be released soon for PlayStation 4, so I can’t play it 😦 ) and each is better than the last. It has good quality image, a good story line in each game, and a lot of shooting and ‘free running’. It can also teach you a bit of history (but do note it clearly isn’t all non-fiction).

Uncharted takes you around the world with different cultures, from France to Syria to Arabia. It does have a tiny bit of romance, but it really isn’t significant. There are also a couple of jokes in there (some of which I only recently understand) and some fight scenes which will definitely give you a challenge.

If you are a fellow gamer and some how have not played this series yet, I highly suggest you give it a try.

Black Lagoon

I’ve just finished Season 2 of Black Lagoon (yep, I marathoned it) and so I decided to review it on here.

Black Lagoon is about modern pirates (or they like to call themselves ‘delivery people’) who go on some bad ass adventures. Normally I hate that phrase, but honestly, that’s the first word that comes to mind with this show. And the best part? They’re not some over-powered wizards or whatever. They’re just bad ass. Action in anime tends to bore me (don’t hate on me) but this was an exception. Despite the fact they’re cold-blooded murderers, you end up rooting them on.

The only thing I have with this show is one or two of the characters have their annoying moments, but apart from that, it’s good. Also Revy (the main gal) does wear a some-what revealing outfit, but considering I’ve watched a lot of TV, girls being overly-sexualised just doesn’t bother me anymore. (However she never uses sex to get what she wants or anything, it’s just her outfit.)

If you were looking for a wicked action packed funny anime (with no soppy romances) then definitely check it out!

London

I didn’t really plan to post anything like this, but I was going through some photos albums and I found a picture of London (from when I went to the Warner Brothers Studios, which is amazing btw). The last time I went to London was the end of Summer last year to visit a ‘friend’.

I’m not writing what happened back then, but seeing the photo and remembering London made me realise how much I miss it.

London, if you somehow don’t already know, is the capital city of England. England is normally stereotyped to be posh and snobby, but trust me; it really isn’t. Of course in comparison our accents can sound quite sophisticated, but we really are regular people. Yes, we do like tea. Yes we’re allowed to drink at 18. No we don’t all care and obsess over the Queen.

Anyway, the thing about London that makes it so great is the diversity. There really are people from all walks of life. It’s not scabby, it’s actually rather pleasant. There are places like the Olympic Park, Madame Tussauds, 221B Baker Street etc. When I went up there I did things like puzzle rooms, zombie paint balling and an outdoor cinema. They even have a large store named ‘Forbidden Planet’ which I’ve heard has plenty of anime/ manga/ comics for you to spend all of your money on. My point is, whether you go on a 4 day vacation there or decide to live there, London will never bore you. Sure, it’s expensive to live there; but you don’t necessarily have to live in South Kensington (but if you go to Imperial College you will). The point is you don’t need some fancy house, because you most likely won’t be spending a lot of your time there. Not to mention it’s easy enough to get on a plane and just leave.

I may adore London more than the average Joe because I live in a very poor countryside area. But in the future, I do wish to go to University and live there (or abroad). Whether it’s a concert, scaling a building or going to a Comic-con, there will always be something for you to do, and something new for you to see. Not to mention the city is very beautiful and good enough for you to take plenty of pictures for your Instagram. So in conclusion, I suggest you add London to your bucket list; if it’s not there already.

Supernatural

Anybody who considers themselves to be a ‘geek’ has heard of the very long-running TV series Supernatural. With 11 seasons, 20-23 episodes, 40 minutes long, it can take about 14-17 days (that’s without work, school, only 8 hours sleep and 2 hours for other things). So, if it’s such a big commitment, you’re probably wondering; is it worth it?

Let me start off by saying there’s a reason it’s so well known. Despite being long-running, the shows content manages to maintain high quality. Sure, some filler episodes can be a bit annoying, but that doesn’t outweigh how good the rest of the show is.

One thing I like about the show is you get to see the characters grow up over about 11 years. If you watch it, whenever you see a post reverting back to the first season you’ll cry at the cute Sam and Dean. I also like how they are still just humans; and you can’t deny your extreme pity of them. Of course it’s not just Sam and Dean, there are others too. By the end, you’ll even end up like the King of Hell. The show is funny and serious, it teaches us some serious lessons and at the same time keeps us well entertained. (Not only that, but you’ll ace any Christian based RE exam). Supernatural also breaks the fourth wall sometimes, and it’s hilarious.

As a review, I also need to mention anything I don’t like. The only thing that really comes to mind is actually the relationship between Sam and Dean. It’s obsessive. They’d literally rather destroy the entire world than let the other one die (or in some cases, stay dead. Spoiler alert). They’re both selfless, intelligent characters; so it can be annoying. Sure, people do make the wrong decisions. But when that decision is choosing one life over billions of others, that’s when you need to rethink somethings.

Besides from that, I really do suggest Supernatural. It may sound like a huge commitment, but it means you won’t have to frantically worry about what to watch next for a while. It also means you can get in with a lot of tumblr gifs.

Cowboy Bebop

Cowboy Bebop is a recent anime I began watching. Although I still have 2 episodes to go, I just wanted to write about it.

The name’s a bit weird, but let’s not judge that, shall we? Cowboy Bebop is about a space bounty hunter, and bounty hunters are called ‘Cowboys’. Bebop comes from the name of his ship. It’s only about 26 episodes, but that’s good.

I don’t want to spoil it for you, so I’m not going to go into detail. The story revolves around Spike and Jet, as they attempt to bring in some money by catching some people with bounties on their heads. Along they way, a dog (Ein), a woman with an attitude (Faye) and a young girl (Edward, and yes you read that right) join them on their adventures. It may not sound like anything special at the moment, but it’s comical, sad and entertaining. You find yourself wanting to marathon it so you can find out more and quicker.

Another thing I’m quite fond of in this anime, is it’s diversity. By that I don’t mean aliens; but humans. Normally in anime they’re just Caucasian (and I don’t only mean animes set in Japan) but in this there’s a wide variety. And as a coloured person, I always pick up these things. Not to mention when I go to comic-con this Summer I have another option to cosplay as!

If you’re into a bit of comedy and action, then definitely add this to your list to watch. (Also the opening them song is pretty cool.)

(Note. There is also a movie out there set between episodes 22 and 23, so when I watch it I will review it).

Why do people still do Easter?

As a non-Christian in a Christian based country (UK) I do still celebrate Christian holidays out of respect for my family (who are ‘Christian’). But the fact is, the holidays most celebrate in the name of Christianity have lost their meaning. How many people honestly celebrate Christmas to celebrate Jesus’ birth? Not as many as you might think.

What angers me, is a particular friend of mine. He is an atheist (which is perfectly fine) and his family are too. However, in RE lessons he continuously abuses those who believe in God, or any kind of religion. He calls them ‘stupid’ and ‘weak and alone’. Then what else does he do? Celebrates Christmas.

If anyone reads this, then I know what you may be thinking. ‘Christmas is more than Jesus’ birth now’. I get that, it is. But if you want something like that, then why don’t you celebrate it at New Years, or even a solstice. Most people (like my family) have been Christened, but neither attend Church or even believe in God. It is plainly because their family had them Christened.

Now, onto the title. Easter. Easter has gone from acknowledging that Jesus died for our sins and was resurrected, to fluffy chicks and bunnies and Easter egg hunts. Now I ask you; how many of you actually know why we celebrate it with eggs? Do any of you even care about why we celebrate it? Or do you really just focus on stuffing your face?

Sorry for the rant. Truly. It’s just a piss take when people who actually laugh at Christianity celebrate these holidays. They don’t even do it out of respect. So please, consider this next holiday!