Don’t forget about yourself

I’ll be honest to the 0 people reading this, this is a reminder for myself. But if it reminds you too, then that’s chill by me.

I was recently in one of those situations where there’s someone in your life who takes up all of your time and energy, and makes you focus so much on making them happy. That may be to no fault of their own, but in my case it was not reciprocated so I was left entirely drained. One of my life philosophies is to make people happy. All it takes sometimes is complimenting a girl’s nails, smiling at someone as you pass them in the street or checking if someone’s alright. So the question in my mind is why wouldn’t I do those things? However, when someone comes into my life and we become close, I go from a nice person to a doormat. Take, for example, the situation I mentioned. I travelled for 16 hours to see someone once every month and spent the money, and they always declined even meeting halfway. But I never forced them too; after all, seeing each other made us both happy.

But it was draining. To just give and never get. I never give to receive, but it can sometimes leave you with nothing. But for me, that’s over now.

That person is out of my life, and I started this year with a clean slate. All the time I spent talking to them or waiting for them to reply, all the times I stayed up till stupid O’clock because that was the only time they actually cared to talk to me, all the times I travelled hundreds of miles to a city I didn’t live in and all the plans and effort only I put in; all of that is over.

One of my other philosophies is to repair myself, and not rely on other people. That guy, I guess you could say, broke my heart, but I refused to drink away the problem or get a rebound. Because those wouldn’t allow me to be stronger. I only want to improve myself so I can be better for the next person who comes into my life. I’ve spent my money on myself, on things that have been on my list for a long time; from clothes to hair care products (I’ve been natural for 1/2 a year and curly hair is very… complicated, when you’re the only one in a 50 mile radius with it). I’ve started working out, eating vegan, properly caring for my skin, teeth and hair and am working hard in school. And it feels free. But it is also kind of terrifying.

What if the next time someone comes along I forget about myself again? I could tell myself that I won’t, but truth be told I have no idea. At the end of that day, I care about people, and will always put them first. But what if they don’t do the same again?

All I can do is make caring for myself routine, just like brushing my teeth in the morning. Right now it takes thought and effort, but I hope that fades. Because yes, I do want to make people happy, but I’m a person too. And so are you.

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My attempt at an American university personal essay

So first thing you need to understand is that I’m British, not American. I am also not part of the US Sutton Trust charity or rich enough to have a tutor; in other words, I was entirely on my own for writing this. I have applied to 5 US unis, but also 6 UK unis, all of which are Russel Group. But anyways, I read a couple samples online and managed to bring together this piece of art. And don’t even think that that’s a vain thing for me to say: I never said my art was good.

(Also if anyone for some weird fucking reason steals this I ain’t even gonna be mad lol)

‘The earlier years of my life were spent living in books, video-games, movies; in the worlds made up by another’s intellect. I was entirely oblivious to everybody and anything else; it was serene, and it was foolish. I had friends, but they were nothing more than accessories to ensure I didn’t look like a loner; an excuse to leave the house before my accusing grandparents began asking questions. But in reality I was living in a dream, saving false worlds, having adventures and being more than just an anonymous and unimportant face. I was aware of my delusion, but I couldn’t figure out why I cared little of the real world; why I couldn’t get away from the ecstasy that was fiction. I never pressed too much on this however, as it worked for me. I got good grades, had enough fun to satisfy me, and lived contentedly.

Subsequently, something changed. I said yes to a boy but I never expected much from it. I wasn’t so naive as to think it would last, but I figured I would enjoy myself. The intricate details of the relationship are irrelevant, but you must know it was of great significance to my life as a first.

I had changed from being out of sight, out of mind, to somebody who was constantly put in the spotlight, and this went a little to my head, to then be taken away again. So then my new little world disintegrated around me, and, since during this time I had lost my flare for fiction, I was left with the real one.

I was left looking at the reflection of myself that I had allowed to blossom; all I saw was disappointment. I saw somebody who had achieved nothing, somebody who had real potential but was only doing enough to just get by. I finally saw a whole world of things. A world of people, cultures, feelings and experiences, a world of curiosity, complex machines and expeditions. And thus, an epiphany.

I finally discovered why I lived in all of those novels. My real world was not the same as I see it now. It was my town and its people, who withered away in bars, working at jobs they hated and living with spouses they despised. My real world was a calamity, so why would I ever want to face that? I had been too young before to see beyond those confines, so I turned to other worlds which showed promise. But now I could witness it all.

Firstly and slowly I changed friendship group, yet things became entirely different instantly. I couldn’t find it within myself to be sad around them. The school saw us as total losers but I saw them as the lights of my life, which is what mattered most. I began to analyse and break down the world logically, which caused me to become vegetarian, and to begin practising Buddhism. Although I faced obstacles I noticed the lift of my heart when my hard work paid off. I took every opportunity, as a lower-class citizen, that I could grasp. I joined clubs, took university summer courses, did an internship, taught struggling students and reached my second epiphany.

I had lived in books because I wanted to be more than a face in the crowd, but the real world appeared to be a dark and desolate place that never allowed flowers to grow above the shade. But then I noticed other people, people who used to be like me, who had hugely impacted my life and had achieved things I’d never found in fictional works. So I don’t think it’s about changing the world. If I live my life and change at least the lives of the people I’ve grown to care about, then that will be enough for me. Because I don’t have to change the whole world- just theirs.’

Basically I determined that my essay should be personal and unique, to really show colleges who I am. I wrote and sent this all off ages ago so constructive criticism isn’t really helpful; but feel free. To satisfy anyone’s curiosity, I applied to Brown, USC, Emory, Trinity and Lafayette. I was deferred from Brown after I’d applied ED, but to be honest that came as a pleasant surprise as I was expecting to be outright rejected. I am not too fussed if studying in the states doesn’t work out for me, as I already have all 5 UK offers and am applying to Oxford. So I reckon wherever I end up, I’ll be happy. 🙂

Right person, wrong time

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog, but hey, a lot’s been happening. A-levels are remarkably time-consuming if you’re as a bad at handling time like myself. But what I think this blog will be about… is people.

There was someone who came into my life on the 9th of July last year. I went to a summer school at the University of Oxford, and I happened to sit next to him in my college’s common room. We successfully got past the small talk, and over the six days that we were there we became friends. For the purpose of this blog, let’s call him Erik.

Erik and I clicked, you know? We never had to say ‘how was your day’ or ‘what are you up to’. I had a boyfriend at the time, but I wasn’t sure if I loved him, so I allowed myself to flirt a little. I suppose one could say I had a little crush on Erik. But then, of course, the summer school ended, and he went back to London and I to Cornwall. 236 miles apart (we both had looked that up out of curiosity). We kept talking, though. That may not sound like anything special, but it was to me. I’m VERY unsociable, over social media at least. I only talked to my boyfriend at the time out of choice. When I’m at home in my room that’s ME time, fuck everybody else. We didn’t talk too much, but then we met up in London for a UCL open day. Before that I had been up to London two times in the summer, but he was away with his family in his home country of Albania. But at the start of September there was a UCL open day, and truth be told I love London with all my heart, so I used it as an excuse to spend the money and go. We then met up at the end of September for an American University fair, and became even closer. We began talking until the stupid hours of the morning, and it was fun. Talking to someone new and getting to know everything and anything about them is exciting. At this time, my relationship wasn’t great. I was revising for the American ACT, and I was under a lot of stress with American applications and UCAS. I barely talked to my man because I found it a chore, but with Erik I couldn’t wait to read his messages. Yet I denied my feelings for him because my boyfriend was close and safe, and a truly kind person who cared for me more than I will ever know.

I then went up to London at the end of October to do my exam. But just before that, Erik had hung out with our mutual friend from Oxford who lived on the other side of London. Of course that made me jealous, so I was being a little petty and saying how maybe we shouldn’t meet. After he asked why, I decided to just tell him that I thought I liked him and it wasn’t right. He then said he liked me too.

What a bloody conundrum.

We decided that when we next saw each other it would be a test date- and it went amazingly. We ended up at the Tate Modern with him lying with his head on my lap, with me stroking his hair. He then walked me back to my uncle’s, and we hugged goodbye. Of course, after I knew I did like Erik, I couldn’t be with my boyfriend anymore. So within the next couple of days I was completely honest with him and ended it. I didn’t break up with him so I could be with Erik, I did it because it was unkind of me to still be with someone I knew I didn’t love just because I wished that I did.

Erik and I grew closer, moving onto more… sexual chats so to speak. But he said he didn’t want a relationship just yet, as A. he’d never been in one before and didn’t want his first to be long distance and B. it wouldn’t last long because of university. I accepted that for a little while.

We then met up at the end of November and hung out for 2 days straight, hitting more museums, seeing more sights, seeing the Justice League and going to the famous Winter Wonderland. Again, it was amazing. I was his first kiss and we later made out… etc.

But after that, he said despite liking me he NEVER wanted to be in a relationship. This hurt me because the way I saw it he didn’t even want to try, and I figured it would be a waste of time. He also said some savagely hurtful things, but I got over it and just wanted him in my life, and besides, it worked. I didn’t have to feel pressure to meet the family or constantly be in London. Plus it wasn’t like we’d get with someone else.

But then things changed.

He stopped talking and going on his phone as much. He said it was the same with everyone, but he didn’t understand that unlike everyone else on his phone that was the only way we could talk. So for the majority of December we fell out. I then came to a decision; after NYE and New Year’s where we were going to see the London fireworks, I would cut him out of my life. After all, I told him what had made me unhappy and he didn’t care. I had been so selfless for him that I’d forgotten to take care of myself, but I just wasn’t happy. And then he said after NYE he wanted to be just friends. To be honest, it’s hard for me to even write that. He said it wasn’t because he didn’t have feelings for me, but because he knew he was making me sad and wanted us to both move on so I wouldn’t be anymore. But we all know that being friends with someone you’re trying to get over is foolish.

But we met on NYE and New Year’s, and actually ended on a positive note.

However, it didn’t end there.

We shared a mutual friend, who posted a photo of me and another girl, saying RIP. You see, the other girl had killed herself, and that was the only decent pic. Erik then thought that I was dead, and kept trying to ask if I was ok; but I had blocked him on everything (to make cutting him out easier). He then went on my snapchat and unblocked himself, so I rang him up to ask why. I then explained the situation, and it was over.

But then it clicked.

Erik knew I had depression, and that my best friend had just taken her own life, yet not once had he asked if I was ok. There were other things, yet it had taken for him to think I had legitimately died for him to even ask. He always told me how him chatting shit was a key trait of his, but it wasn’t desirable at all. All he ever did was say, and not do.

But even now, I’m not mad at him. Even when I told him all of this and he ignored me repeatedly, even when I asked him if he had any last things he wanted to say and he left me on ‘read’, I’m not mad. Because I’ve figured it out.

He and I will never be friends. But that’s not because we’re polar opposites or not right for each other. There’s a saying about how the greatest lessons in life are best learnt through pain, and I personally have been through so much. I have grown so much, and evolved and become wiser. He, on the other hand, has faced 0 hardships; not that that’s a bad thing. But we’re just at different places right now. He can’t understand me because he hasn’t been through anything, the same way I can’t understand him because I have been through everything. So maybe one day we’ll be friends. But not now.

Never now.

‘Right person wrong time’ shouldn’t refer to two people liking each other but, for example, they are living far apart or one of them being taken. It should refer to any two people of any relationship, who are at different points in their life. For all you know there are plenty of people who’ve left your life who are the same.

Living off a drug called dreams

Let me start off by saying that the title is me. I live off of my dreams and aspirations, and imagining my ideal future. And I know people do this in general, but I believe I do this excessively. And sure, there is the lovely and poetic quote by T.E Lawrence “All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dream with open eyes, to make them possible.’ Cute, right? Having dreams is good of course- it’s always admirable when somebody has them. And watching them achieve their dreams is great. But is there a line? Is there a point where it’s not admirable anymore and they need to focus more so on the here and now? And where is that line?

I can’t answer this question. Which is a problem. I can barely tell if there’s even times when I’m not dreaming of something. (Actually there is, and that’s when I’m imagining fictional worlds where I’m the badass main character-basically a mary sue- but let’s not dwell on that). My dreams involve leaving England. They involve either studying in Japan, Singapore or Canada. They involve a cutesy future with my current boyfriend (yes, I do acknowledge that that part is very unlikely, but I can’t really help it). They involve being a cool mechanical engineer and being mildly attractive and having a cool aesthetic Instagram that is the envy of many. They involve have really cool friends from all over. However…

Money. Money to study abroad is a problem. In my family, no money is made as I live with my retired grandfather. I even have free school meals for crying out loud. If I studied in England I would get a loan and then just pay it off in future- but what about those other places? Also the plane journey? Also just being able to apply to everything in time? So many problems arise, yet I cannot even imagine studying here. I wish I could as it would be SO much easier, but I can’t. And I am alone in this. Nobody here knows what they’re doing, so I’m left with the internet for help. Not exactly ideal.

I could go on about how my dreams just aren’t going to come true, but I should mention that I am trying. I have done so much research into everything, as I’m someone who likes to have a plan. I am starting to eat (slightly) healthier, I’m focusing and taking care of my natural hair, and am caring for my skin. I even have a small job which I hate, so I actually have money. I’m doing work experience in London in the summer, and am on the school council. But the thing is I keep thinking about what could be, and it’s hard. It kind of means I’m not accepting my life as it is now, and what if I never do? What if no matter what I achieve, I’ll always have something else?  Honestly it’s terrifying to me. But how much should I dream? How much should I imagine? It’s a tough question. It’s also terrifying when I change my mind often so my plans have to change. I did so much research on Japan and now my main focus is Canada which is the most unlikely out of the three. I like engineering but recently realised I adore science journalism. I’m not an improviser either.

I’m addicted. I’m addicted because I can see it so clearly I sometimes convince myself there’s no other possible way for my future to turn out. I’m addicted to the sense of security it gives me, as I am surrounded by people who struggle to pay rent, and their electric bill. I’m surrounded by people who are unhappy, so I’m addicted with the thoughts of something else.

All I can do is distract myself I suppose. Distract myself with kpop and movies and dates and revision. And perhaps slowly, without my realising, my dreams will be my reality.

A short explanation on why I choose to suffer DofE

First, a quick explanation if you don’t know what DofE is:

You do a 2 day 1 night (Bronze), 3 day 2 night (Silver) and 4 day 3 night (Gold) expedition. This goes from simple roads, to moorland, to mountainous. There’s also 3 sections- Physical, Skill and Volunteering. Exactly what is says on the tin. For Gold you also have to do a residential, like a summer school or perhaps NCS.

Anyway, the focus here is the expedition. No matter the weather, you’re out there. A heavy bag on your back, annoying people and stupid views that make up for nothing. Many km you have to walk, and hills you have to climb. Many mistakes of taking disgusting food, or in my case not taking a pillow (which isn’t allowed, but it’s worth it). Not to mention your personal hygiene soars out the freaking window. Some evenings it’s 16:30, tipping it down, windy and you have to be outside cooking something on your stove. Or in the early morning at 7:00 you’re scrubbing the black parts of your stove, running late to leave because your teachers are being nit-picky. And whilst walking, you’ll either be stuck with people who are too fit and fast, or too slow and pathetic.

Are you leaping at the chance to do it yet?

The point is, those things are kind of good. I myself am an indoorsy person. I like comfort, warmth and internet- and being left the HELL alone. And I get that comfort every day when I get back home. But DofE takes that away. And it’s awful. But I appreciate it when I get back. My family will buy me a milkshake from McDonalds (it used to be chicken nuggets, but alas, vegetarianism), and when I get home I get to burn in the shower, flop onto my bed and put on Netflix. I get to feel ‘thank goodness that’s over’. It’s good every now and then to be uncomfortable. It makes the good things in your life better. Not to mention you do get some good stories; like lying by the lake looking at the stars, a boy snorting Pringles like cocaine, a couple who stupidly decided to go in a group together, somebody running around camp in their underwear etc. (Note. these are my genuine memories). Not to mention, for me, it makes where I live pretty good. Going up the counties biggest tor (it’s called Brown Willy, let’s all be mature please), seeing vast moorland and thinking that walking can actually be a challenge are some things I never would’ve done. .

And that is precisely why, despite wanting to give up whilst climbing Rough Tor the other day, I never will give up. I’ve done Bronze. I’ve done Silver. And curse my life- I’m finishing Gold.

How NOT to be zen

My last post was at some point in May last year. Wow. One way NOT to be zen would be to read over my past posts and dwelve into the cringe-fest which is me, ranging from 4 years ago to yesterday.

However, it did bring one non-god awful thing to mind; how much has changed since then. Less than a year ago.

At that point, I would’ve (should’ve) been revising for my GCSE’s. I’d be thinking that I would be going to Truro College and not going to Prom, and how I would become a doctor in the future, and live in the states. I’d be imaging that future, both the near and far, and thinking how I could never truly predict it, but I would try to make it possible. And that’s true. I didn’t go to Truro and I did go to stupid Prom, I remained at my college’s sixth form. I changed and now wish to be an engineer, and study and live in Japan. And god forbid that fucking changes because then I’ll have to retake A-levels- again, another way how NOT to be zen.

But the more I say it all out loud, the less it sounds like the future. I mean, NOW I am studying things like further maths and physics which will lead to engineering, NOW I am studying Japanese and asking my teachers for advice on applying for University abroad. So perhaps, there are points in our lives where the future is certain. Or just points where we make one future far more certain. It will either be my studying in Japan, or being annoyed that I wasted my time. But if I think about it, I studied hard and chose Biology, I successfully applied to Truro; but that future still changed, because I did. People like to think the future is out of their hands, but it’s not. That’s the only place it is. That’s why your future is seemingly changing and unpredictable; because that’s what you are. So worrying and panicking and overthinking it is a way NOT to be zen, and it is fruitless. If you want a good future, get it. Move away. Far away. Put yourself out there. It’s hard and scary, but somewhere there is a place or a person that will allow you to be happy. And you don’t need to achieve your dreams to be happy anyway.

Another way to be zen- stop caring. Sure, I’ve reached the point where I literally care about two people, but it’s easier than you think. I get ready to be angry a lot, but now I’m just kind of like… ‘eh’. Why be angry? What does it allow you to gain? It’s pointless. That doesn’t mean become a doormat, but set down some rules. For example, accept the fact people bitch about you. And you bitch about them. But you’re still friends, and you still care about them. It’s just a normal thing.

You might wonder why this post is about this; and it’s because others doing A-levels are stressed to the tits. I’ve never stayed up past 1:00 am doing work. Sure, that’s because I love sleep, but still. I go to revision every day. I’m doing 5 A-levels. I have a mourning grandfather with mood swings. I have a twin sister who’s anti-relationship whilst I’m in one. I am slowly seeping into despair due to realising that I’m a heartless cunt. But I don’t care. I have this safe space. Upstairs. My room. This laptop and this internet. (Or my boyfriends bedroom, but let’s just stick to mine right now). And up here, nothing matters. No matter what happens, I’ll have this safe space. And when I’m older, I’ll have a new one. But I will always have one. If I want to do well in school, I will. And even if I don’t, there’s so many things to do. Like marry a rich person. In fact, I’m just sat here thinking of all the good movies that are due to come out this year, and I’m fucking happy.

So, how NOT to be zen. There isn’t a way, unless your IQ is less than 70. You’ll always think. You’ll always stress. You’ll always get irritated. And that’s okay. Because happiness is easy, and it’s not what you think.

Uncharted 4, a Thief’s end

So first off I want to state that I have not played the game, as I am not fortunate enough to be able to afford a PS4. However, as a lover of the series, I was waiting for somebody to upload a ‘cutscenes movie’ on youtube. So a couple days ago, I got to watch it.

The first video was about 4 hours, and the second one 6 1/2. That’s dedication.

First thought; amazing. I love adventure games (so things also like Lara Croft) and it definitely delivered on that. The puzzles are brilliant, and the intelligence of Drake did not cease to amaze me. Of course you get to find out more on his past, which is intriguing, however there are a few questions; but nothing can be perfect, can it?

It has a good story line. Some people in the comments mentioned The Goonies, but it was better. It also brings up the relationship of Drake and Elana (that’s how I’m spelling it), and it’s not a boring, pointless way, but it develops them as characters.

*I am tired and in England I’m currently beginning my GCSE’s so this is really doing to be half-assed*

The point is, if you don’t have a PS4 and want a game to make you cry about the fact you haven’t, it’s this one. I’m a sucker for adventure and puzzles and well thought out plots, and it’s perfect. There also appeared to be decent gameplay (with shooting as well as free-running or whatever it’s called). It gives a well-enough-rounded-off ending to an amazing (and one of my favourite) game series. I believe jacksepticeye has begun playing it too, so I suggest watching it.

 

Not to get political here…

For those of you who don’t know, there was a recent election in London for the next Mayor. Now, I really don’t know a lot about politics, and I don’t even live in London, but it was something I wanted to talk a bit about.

The ‘winner’ was Sadiq Khan, and most noticeably for people, a Muslim. So of course, massive arguments and appearing, and sides are forming. Of course with ISIS (a supposed ‘Muslim’ group) and Islamophobia growing, people are afraid. And what I say to that? Idiots. In my opinion, ISIS are not, Muslims. Anyone who kills for any God has no right to call themselves a Muslim (note. I’m not a Muslim, but a Buddhist). Not to mention people don’t judge Christians off the fucking (excuse the swear) KKK so why base the entirety of Islam off of ISIS in the first place?

Also, people shouldn’t even pay attention to his religion. As long as he does a good job as Mayor, who gives a flying damn? I hope one day we reach an age, where somebody can be elected as Mayor or Prime Minister, and nobody say ‘first Muslim’ or ‘first coloured person’ or just notice anything like that. This brings me to Hillary Clinton (if I got the spelling wrong, I don’t care). I know she’s obviously running for President over in the USofA, but it’s what she does. She pulls the woman card too much. The fact she’s a woman doesn’t matter. As long as she has good hopes, good ideas and good intentions for it, her gender literally doesn’t matter. Sure, it could be a big deal as the first woman President, but as the candidate don’t pull that card. Honestly, it shows that you’re just desperate and running out of ideas. Or your campaign isn’t enough, and you have to go to last resorts.

I apologise for the rant, but this is more for my sake. I’m not very political, but when things like race, religion and gender are brought into things, I get opinionated. London is a cultured city, with people truly from all walks of life, so things like a non-Christian Mayor should be common. The population is diverse; and therefore so should the election pool.

Captain America: Civil War

So this will only be short as I do not want to post too many spoilers. But there will be some in here, so avoid this if you don’t want to see them.

Overall; brilliant. I am a lover of Marvel films, and this of course was no exception. The thing I love about Civil War is that it’s more personal. It’s not them fighting some alien or robot army; but themselves. And I love that sense of difference. There are no good or bad guys in the main battle (well, there is a bad guy, but he’s not the most relevant). Not to mention it shows the dark side of being a hero, and the reality of what happens behind the scenes.

I loved the fact there was a good portion of humour in it. The humour made it realistic; well, the characters more human. There’s Spider-man (who’s an actual teenager) and Black Panther (who’s attractive and bad ass!), and of course they bring Ant-man into it (whose film I loved, and he as a character is amazing). You see relationships building (eg. Vision and Scarlet Witch) and relationships being broken (that one’s obvious). There’s loads of good action in the film too, so you don’t get bored.

The movie hit me right in my feels. You discover how Stark’s parents died, and if you think about Stark, he’s a sad character. He created Ultron and it resulted in many deaths. That’s why he wants to sign the accords, probably. He’s guilty, lost somebody he loves (Pepper) and loses a team he assembled; in a sense, it was he who tore them apart. So God knows how he’s feeling at the end of the movie. And any movie that gets me sad about somebody has done a good job.

The only thing my friends and I disliked was the ending. Of course, it wasn’t going to be like the comics (those of you who’ve read them will understand) but it was anti-climatic. It ended with an apology letter, basically. It doesn’t properly get settled. And that’s annoying as fuck. It’s abrupt and makes most of the movie seem pointless.

To sum it up, you should watch it. It does live up to the hype, and of course Marvel is building up to Infinity Wars (which I am dying for), but obviously it doesn’t end the best. It is one of the best Marvel films out there, the only ones I prefer being Ant-man and Age of Ultron.

Personalities

I was talking to a friend, and I was thinking some things. I (as stupid as this sounds) often forget that not everybody is like me. I noticed this when we were talking about goals, and his goal was to ‘meet the one’ and ‘find love’, whilst mine was to have my hard work pay off and end up in a job I enjoy, taking my role in the world. Love is something I dismiss as a bit of enjoyment along the way. And realising that that truly was his goal, I noted on how different we were. I was also amazed that that was anyone’s goal; or that anyone had a goal different to mine. I know it sounds shallow, but I just forget sometimes.

Not just that, but I recently did a 16 personality test (and I highly suggest you do it too, just look it up!) and I also realised there were other people exactly like me. It’s odd; I can think I’m unique and different, as well as thinking everybody else is like me at the same time. So I did the test (if you’ve done it, you’ll understand what I mean when I say I got the ENTJ-A personality. Aka. the commander) and it was crazy how relatable it was! It made me think about how most of my personality I hid (so I can be more likeable) and that I really just want to be my bossy, ruthless self. So I’m working on that right now. I also looked at the other personality types, and it was interesting to see the other types of people. Some of them, I seriously couldn’t understand, and others I could partially relate too.

I just think it’s crazy how all of us think different things, and learn different things from similar experiences. How we can actually be friends who believe things completely opposite to us. But that keeps things interesting! It makes me wonder about all the types of people I’ve met in my life, how they’ve evolved, as well as me thinking about the types of people I’ll get the pleasure to meet someday. All I’m truly certain is; I will continue to do as I am, do summer schools (I’m actually doing Bristol, Bath and Imperial College this year) and things like NCS so I can meet more of these people, and have fun on my way to finding my role in life.